Harry Potter's FORCED Journal
by TheLastMarauder-Moony
Summary: I should probably say how it is that I ended up writing in a diary. I honestly think this is just my godfathers way of getting me as angry at him as he is at me. !Not likely to ever be finished, unless someone else does it for me!
1. Entry 1

**Journal Entry #1**

_**July 19**__**th**__** 1997**_

Firstly, I should say who I am, so that if for some bizarre reason, someone in the future is reading this, they know who they're reading about. I'm Harry Potter.

Well, if you want to get technical, it's Harold James Polaris Potter-Black. Honestly, though, what were my parents thinking? Harold is such a stuffy name, and I'm not stuffy at all. --- well, not most of the time, anyway.

_Secondly, I should say how on earth I ended up writing in a – gag me – diary. Personally, I think this is my godfathers way of pissing me off as much as I managed to piss him off. Sirius, on the other hand, says that it's a way to 'cope with my emotions without feeling the need to do something so idiotic as sneaking out of the house and getting drunker than even he has ever been when I have hundreds of crazy, evil people who would like nothing more than to see me dead.' _

_Having said that, I hope to god he never reads this. Then again, there's no god in the universe that actually likes me, so I'll just assume that sometime soon, either in the future or the past – hey, weirder things have happened to me – he'll be reading this. _

_Having said _that_, I think this is the most lame punishment he's ever come up with. A _diary_?! That's almost as ridiculous as my name. Not as stuffy, though. (Sirius is more stuffy than my name, though. I'd forget that he'd ever been a Marauder if it wasn't for the fact that his nickname is on the map that I _at one point_ had in my possession.)_

_I think that if his younger self were to meet him, he'd be utterly disgusted. _

_(Sigh.) I suppose I'm being far too harsh. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, and he's a great godfather, but he's so – so, I don't know, suffocating, sometimes, it's irritating as hell. I guess he's just being overprotective. Then again, after everything he's been through, I can see plenty of reasons for him to be overprotective. _

If I were him, I wouldn't overprotective. I'd be insane. Seriously, he's been through so much. I don't know. Knowing that he has reasons for being that way and accepting it without being angry are two entirely different things.

_I've never been one to pull pranks. Alright, so that's a lie. I just generally don't take credit for my pranks because my kind of trouble is more along the lines of either __saving__-__the__-__world__-__syndrome__ or __outright__stupidity__. I rarely get caught when I pull pranks but when I do… well, let's just say I piss a lot of people off._

_Those are both direct quotes from Sirius. Honest_

_So. I'm supposed to write at least 500 words _every single day_ and I'm less than fifty words away from finishing this entry. It wasn't quite as boring as I thought I would be. (Don't tell anyone I said that, though. It's a secret.) apparently dinner is ready so I'm going to go now. Sometimes I'm extremely grateful that Sirius doesn't cook – can you imagine? I think I'd get food poisoning – and that we don't have to fend for ourselves on that either. Thank god for Moony. (Who, would you believe it, is more of a Marauder than Sirius. Honestly…)_

_H.J.P.P.B._


	2. Entry 2

_**Journal Entry #2**_

_**July 20**__**th**__** 1997**_

_Have you ever done or said something so incredibly stupid that moments after you did or said it you wished you hadn't because you felt like you had to be the stupidest person on the planet, and if not that, the most rude and selfish? _

_I just did. _

_I can't decide between the two though. Am I stupid, or am I rude and selfish? Well, I like to think that I'm not selfish, but some of the things I do – it's pathetic. I'm pathetic. _

_What I said may have been true, but the way I said it was rude, unthinking, selfish, inconsiderate, and STUPID. I don't know what I was thinking. Okay, so that's not true either. I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking that I wanted to hurt him because he pissed me off. _

_Yeah, I'll go with rude and selfish… honestly, that was so remarkably stupid I'm amazed that it's even _possible_. He may not be my father, but he may as well be. Okay, that came out wrong. My father died when I was fifteen months old – exactly – and he never got the chance to be my father. I never knew him. All I know about him is through stories that Sirius and Remus tell me. _

_Sirius has raised me since then. He's the one who's always been there. After the third task – who was it that I went to? Sirius. After a bad vision, who did I go to? Sirius. After the mandatory month at my aunt and uncles house – which didn't last long after Sirius found out what they were doing – who did I go to? Sirius. After every single miserable thing that has happened in my life, I went to Sirius for help/comfort/whatever. _

_And then I said _that_. I think Sirius is quite aware of the fact that he's not my father, seeing as my father was his best friend and he's dead, and has been that way for nearly sixteen years, reminding him of that fact was not only pointless, but also stupid and rude and uncaring and … well, pretty much false. He's not my father physically, no, but I consider him my father at any rate. _

_I actually slipped up and called him my dad in a conversation with Hermione once. She thought I should tell him that I considered him my dad but I don't agree. I think Sirius would feel like he was betraying my dad by letting me think like that, and I'm quite content with the way I think so I'd rather not bring it up. _

_This rant started for a reason. We were arguing and I got caught up in the argument and said something stupid. What's new? Not a damn thing. Gods, I'm an idiot. 'You're not my father,' honestly, what was I thinking? Besides, if I wanted to be a total idiot who was out to hurt people for no bloody reason, I could've come up with something better than that. _

_H.J.P.P.B._


	3. Entry 3

_**Journal Entry #3**_

_**July 21**__**st**__** 1997**_

_Being grounded is incredibly boring. (Because I really hadn't figured that out in the last few years – what a stupid statement.) I suppose that's the point though, it isn't supposed to be fun. The point is that I'm bored. Going out of my mind type of bored._

_The type of bored you get in detention when the teachers figure out that having nothing to do is the best punishment that they can come up with that works. Especially since I enjoy cleaning (I know, I'm strange) and most other detentions that they come up with. Like the lines – I don't think I've ever seen McGonagall so pissed off before. _

'_I will not prank my teachers.' 'I will not get caught pranking my teachers.'_

'_I will respect my teachers.' 'I will respect my teachers when they can hear me.'_

'_I will not sneak out of Gryffindor tower past curfew.' 'I will not get caught sneaking out of Gryffindor tower past curfew.'_

For some reason, she didn't find that funny. I don't know why, seeing as I thought it was utterly hilarious. Okay, so I do know why. It's because she's more stuffy than Sirius and that says a lot, don't you know? Alright, Sirius didn't think it was funny either. Or if he did he wasn't around me when he decided it was. I remember vaguely that he said something about accepting the consequences of my actions…

_Hello, Sirius, do you even know who I am? Honestly. The man has known me since I was born and he still doesn't get that I'm always going to be obnoxious in any way I can. Ah, that reminds me of a conversation I had today…_

_Me: Hey Remus. _

_Remus: What did you do this time, Harry?_

_Me: Who, me? I decided to 'do something incredibly idiotic.' _

_Remus: I want to know what _you_ think you did, not what Sirius thinks you did._

_Me: I coped._

_Remus: You coped. In other words, you got drunk. How this time? Did you steal his stash or something, because he seems pretty pissed off._

_Me: He just can't accept that he can't make me change. I sneaked out of the house and got drunk. Apparently, I was more drunk than 'even he has ever been,' and it was a very stupid thing to do when I've got hundreds of people who want nothing more than to see me dead. _

_Remus: Right. Well, I can't deny the truth of that statement – it was incredibly stupid. _

_Me: It's my _job_ to be stupid. (A pause.) And obnoxious. Though being stupid comes first._

_Remus: I'm not supposed to be talking to you, you know._

_Me: Yeah, I know. Now who's breaking rules?_

_Remus: I never claimed to not break rules. Some of the ones your godfather sets are incredibly stupid and apparently designed to make you act out more. _

_Me: I don't need help with that. _

_Remus: But you get it anyway._

_Ah, the conversation was good until that part where he listened to me rant for about an hour about how stupid my whole life is. I don't really recall what I said, I was just happy to see another living person other than Sirius._

_Like I said, being grounded is incredibly boring. Nothing to do other than write in this bloody stupid journal, read, do schoolwork, and ignore Sirius when he lectures me. Brilliant. I'm going for now… I'll write again tomorrow… sadly enough… there isn't anything better to do._

_H.J.P.P.B._


	4. Entry 4

_**Journal Entry #4**_

_**July 22**__**nd**__** 1997**_

_Do you know what I just realized? I'm going to be grounded on my seventeenth birthday. Doesn't that just bloody well _suck_? Actually, I think that's a new record. I must've really pissed him off, because when I was fourteen, I think, I was grounded every day in the end of July and beginning of August and he let me off for my birthday. No such luck this time. _

_Is it wrong to hope that the next year goes by very quickly so that I can move out and not have to listen to lectures 24/7? Ah, I suppose it is in a way. Don't get me wrong – I'm grateful and I love him as if he was my father, but I'm getting really annoyed with the lectures. _

_And yes, I'm aware that it's my own fault, but that doesn't make them any less annoying. Okay… I've ranted enough, time to find a happy subject… Hermione! Ah, yes. Found one. Good. This is a topic I could go on about for _hours_. Hermione is my best friend, she has been since we were six years old and I met her at the park. I didn't know she was a witch and neither did she, we both made up stories about why we wouldn't be around and then saw each other on the Hogwarts Express. Her parents say that I corrupted their innocent daughter, which I honestly can't deny._

_When we met, she was well on the way to being a rule follower to the core, and I was well on the way to being a rule breaker to the core. We mellowed each other out, somewhat. _

_That's a lie. I totally and entirely corrupted her. The innocent little girl that wouldn't have broken a rule for all the money in the world is one of the best pranksters Hogwarts has ever seen. It's almost disturbing. _

Honestly, though, I think Sirius and Hermione's parents should start a club. They all think I've corrupted Hermione (which is true) and that I have no respect for rules or teachers or any adults in general. Actually, considering that last statement, it's also true. Hmm.

Anyway, I was talking about Hermione. She has curly brown hair that was very bushy when we were younger but is now curly and only slightly bushy. She has beautiful chocolate brown eyes that are lively and show her emotions. She's brilliant, and she's like the only person on this planet that can control me.

Okay enough about her for now. Ah, never mind, I need to pause this entry because Sirius is coming up here to start his bloody lectures all over again. --- Merlin have I mentioned how bloody boring being grounded is recently? I'm going to go insane. Insanity by boredom. Interesting. I wonder if it's possible – I suppose I'll find out first hand over the next few weeks. Joy to the world. Not.

I'm so sick and tired of reading it's not even funny. There's nothing to do. That may be the entire point but that doesn't mean I won't complain. I'm a teenager, it's my job to complain. And be obnoxious. And stupid.

H.J.P.P.B.


	5. Entry 5

**Journal Entry #5**

**July 23****rd**** 1997**

Okay, repeat after me. I will NOT sneak out and get drunk. I will NOT sneak out and get drunk. I am NOT irritated to the point where it sounds like a good idea. I am NOT going to do something stupid just to piss Sirius off and end up getting myself in more trouble. I am NOT going to sneak out. Not.

There, I've convinced myself. Sort of.

Merlin he pisses me off sometimes. Bloody fucking hell, why is he overreacting so much? I am so annoyed I cannot begin to describe it. Then again, so is he. I don't know why he's annoyed right now, but I'm sure it has something to do with me. It always does.

---Pause---

Oh for Merlin's sake. This has to be a joke. Please tell me it's a joke. He's insane, absolutely barmy, completely nutters! I am not staying stuck in this house for an extra bloody week because he thinks I shouldn't swear. Not happening. I'll bloody well run away if I have to, this is ridiculous! I swear he's looking for reasons to be angry with me!

Alright, let me do the math. Three weeks from the nineteenth of July is somewhere around the ninth of August. A week added to that is around the sixteenth. He's gone insane. He's always been like this to a smaller degree, but he's gone absolutely insane. It's never been like this. Not so much, at any rate. I honestly don't want to finish this entry. 250 more words. I don't know that I can actually come up with that much to say right now, I'm so pissed off.

Alright, I can think of something. Yay.

Remus came over again today. He and Sirius talked and then he came and talked to me for a few minutes before leaving, and that's when Sirius pretty much went insane. Hmm… maybe their conversation had something to do with it. I'd use the mirrors to find out but Sirius would probably hear me and he thinks he has the mirror but I stole it back so that would only lead to more trouble.

Which I definitely don't need. I'd like to keep the two weeks or so of summer that I actually get to do something with as mine. Maybe I could go see Neville. That would work – it would get me out of this house, at least. Then again, I don't know that I'd want that. However, I could go to Remus' house and Hermione could visit at the same time, which would work.

I wish I could just invite Hermione here, it would be so much simpler. But her parents don't want her corrupted more by 'that Potter boy.' And Sirius thinks he'd go insane if he had to deal with both of us at the same time. He's already insane, but don't tell him that. I think he doesn't know.

Merlin, I miss her. I miss her smile, her laugh, her jokes, her eyes, her everything. …I am not falling for my best friend. I'm not. I can't. Please say I'm not. Even if I am I can't act on it… her father would hunt me down and kill me. Brutally.

I still don't get why they hate me. I'm not that bad. I hope. Well… I dunno… it's not like they even know about the worst of it, so why would they hate me? I mean, not even Sirius knows about the tattoo… I didn't write that, okay?

Now it's me who's gone insane. Talking to an inanimate object like it could answer me… bye.

H.J.P.P.B.


	6. Entry 6

**Journal Entry #6**

**July 24****th**** 1997**

I may have mentioned this before, but I feel the need to repeat myself so I can make a point – my godfather is completely insane. For some reason that is utterly beyond me he thinks that Remus can do a better job of getting me to 'behave like a civilized human being,' than he can. Honestly, I'm perfectly civilized, that's not what my problem is. At any rate, I'm currently at Remus' house.

And Remus just rolls his eyes at any mention of Sirius at the moment. Apparently, I'm not the only one who finds his … stuffiness… irritating. The conversation leading to me coming here was rather amusing, though.

Sirius: Remus would probably handle your behavior better.

Me: My behavior?

Sirius: Your inability to listen to anything any adult says to you.

Me: Who, me?

Sirius: I'm going to call Remus and see if he can take you for a week…

Me (Trying not to grin): Anything you say.

Sirius (eyeing me suspiciously): Are you feeling okay?

Me: Of course I'm feeling okay.

(A few minutes later.)

Remus: Okay, so why am I here?

Me: Because Sirius thinks you'll have better luck controlling me than he does, so he wants you to take me to your house for a week.

Remus: Oh... kay.

Sirius: Good.

Remus (Looking slightly confused): Right.

(At Remus' house)

Me: Thank god!

Remus (raising an eyebrow): What do you mean?

Me: I get a week away from the king of lectures. I am thanking any god I can think of for that at the moment. You have no idea how boring my room has become over the last five days or so. I am absolutely elated to be somewhere other than that stuffy house with my stuffy godfather.

Remus just laughed.

This is nowhere near as boring as being at Sirius' house. At least Remus will talk to me rather than say that if I'm bored I can just read. Much appreciated. Books are quite boring after awhile of only being able to read. I don't know what else to write. Do you think Sirius would notice if I decided not to finish this entry? Hmm… probably. I swear he's got eyes in the back of his head. I am going to do something fun. I don't care what and I don't care if I get caught. I'm going to do something that does NOT involve reading, writing, or studying in general.

And I'm going to enjoy it.

There's one problem with this idea – there's nothing to do. Remus lives in the middle of nowhere, so there's no muggle towns to visit, nothing to do at all. (Sigh.) I guess I'll just be bored. This is getting old, fast. Maybe I won't get drunk again, it somehow doesn't seem worth being grounded for three bloody weeks. Four if you count the one Sirius added because he has nothing better to do.

I've gone insane, if anyone cares enough to notice that I'm not acting like I usually do. Honestly, me considering not doing something because I don't like the consequences? That's not me at all. I normally say to hell with it and do whatever I want. I suppose I'm just pissed 'cause I actually got caught in the act this time.

It kind of reminds me of the time that I went to Hogsmeade when Pettigrew had escaped Azkaban, and I got caught coming back in – Remus was teaching that year and he was watching on the map – I think his younger self would be disappointed too. And then Remus called Sirius and I don't think I've seen him so angry, before or after. I mean, yeah he was angry when I came home drunk at three in the morning, but it was different.

I don't know why I'm writing about that. But I think he was more angry then because of the fact that Pettigrew was once his friend and he had broken out of prison to kill me and I was stupid enough to sneak out of school when he was after me. He was so angry it was almost scary. Sorry, did I say almost? It was frickin' scary.

But it got more scary when he went all calm and started mentioning that I was throwing away my life – my parents sacrifice – by risking my life. I don't think I'd ever felt so bad as I did in that moment.

(sigh) I over-wrote this entry. I'm done. Now I'm miserable. What ever happened to the thirteen year old who actually cared what was happening? What happened to **me**? I'm always … this is stupid. I'm done. Done. I hate this stupid diary and I'm beginning to think it's a torture method devised to make me go insane.

H.J.P.P.B.


End file.
